What is an end of life doula?
I have just finished my Doula Training with INELDA (The International End of Life Doula’s Association) and so wanted to take the opportunity to explain what a doula is, and how they help guide the dying. I am very much unfinished business – and will continue to learn and grow as I take the steps of supporting people when they die, whilst at the same time feeling very privileged to be able to offer this service.
The role is modelled on a Birth Doula whose role is to provide non-medical support during childbirth, and Doulas are increasingly being employed to be there at the end of life too. We are trained to support the dying and their families with practical and emotional support – from the psychological and physical aspects of dying to the complex clerical paperwork afterwards. There is so much fear and anxiety about death, and the Doula is able to bring a sense of calm to those dying, and to their families. Doulas help open up the conversations about death and loss which are so often initially deeply uncomfortable. Many people realise on their deathbed, that life is about relationships and love, and doulas help families with communicating this, can help with difficult conversations and in resolving unfinished business, and accepting regrets.
We can help with legacy work, creating something tangible, and a memento for the dying person to leave behind. We guide a family through the dying process so they know what to expect, and what is normal as people enter the active dying phase. We can be there to support the vigil, and, after the death help with the early grief stages when the ‘casserole brigade’ has come and gone and everyone's gone back to work.
Deaths in hospital can be cold and sterile – but dying isn’t just medical, its spiritual as well. The end of life for some can be such a chaotic experience, lurching through medical hoops and invasive procedures, but with a Doula’s help you learn what you can put in place so that your wishes are honoured if you can’t speak for yourself. So many people want to die at home or in their community, and the planning work you do with Doulas means that your last days can be about living in the setting you want.
Louise Piper